


Bonfire

by summer127s



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-22
Updated: 2019-07-22
Packaged: 2020-07-10 15:53:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19908283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/summer127s/pseuds/summer127s
Summary: In which San invites his best friend to go camping, but they forget to bring a sleeping bag with them.





	Bonfire

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Note - I'm trying a new writing style for fanfiction. In this, I have written in first person and avoided using pronouns or names of the person telling the story to try and make it an inclusive story for every person who may read it. I hope you enjoy!  
> -Codi

I stuff everything into my bag, knowing San should be here any minute. I’ve known about this camping trip for days, but I somehow still didn’t pack until an hour before he was supposed to be here. I pull the zipper closed on my backpack just as a knock sounds at the front door of my apartment. Slinging the bag over my shoulder, I walk to the front door and flip the deadbolt to let him in. San stands there, a smile plastered across his face, a few strands of his black hair falling on his forehead.

I never liked camping and I’m not very excited to be doing this, but seeing the huge smile across San’s face, I can’t help myself as I smile back at him. His dark eyes sparkle and crease at the corners as he smiles.

“Are you ready to go?” He asks, bouncing on the balls of his feet.

“I think so,” I run through a mental checklist in my head. I got some chocolate bars and graham crackers, an extra blanket and a few flashlights. San said he was going to bring the tent when he invited me, so I know I don’t need that.

“Do you have everything?” He tilts his head to the side, some hair falling across his face. I nod. We quickly leave the doorway to my apartment, me locking the door before we depart to head to his car. We get to his car and slide into the seats, heading out to where he planned.

He had randomly called me a few weeks ago and asked, barely being able to contain himself, if I wanted to go camping with him. Camping isn’t typically my thing, but with my best friend inviting me along to do something he loved with a group of his friends, I couldn’t really tell him no. Plus, taking some time off to relax and getting fresh air could be a good thing for the both of us.

“You did pack a tent, right?” I ask just before we leave town. San could be a bit forgetful, and this would be a really bad time for that to come into play.

“Nah, I figured we could rough it,” I glare at him with wide eyes, my mouth hanging slightly open. He glances to me before turning his eyes back to the road, biting back a laugh.

“Not funny.”

“Don’t worry, there’s one in the back,” he elbows my arm before resting his on the middle console. I roll my eyes at the behavior of my best friend before looking out the window at the trees speeding by. I catch a glimpse in the passenger side mirror of the car behind us, which I’m pretty sure is Mingi’s jeep. I contort my body to look behind us and I make eye contact with Mingi in the driver’s seat, who flashes a grin at me. I’ve met all of San’s friends multiple times and they were all extremely polite, sometimes a bit overwhelming when they were all together, but they’re funny and kind people who I don’t mind spending time with.

Without much more time passing, San parks his car in a dirt parking lot surrounded by trees. A few cars are already there and Mingi pulls in behind us. San quickly jumps out of the car and stretches his arms while yawning, almost like a cat. I jump out too, tossing my bag over my shoulder and trying to look like I have at least some idea what I’m supposed to be doing. The rest of the guys start piling out of the other cars and greeting each other, everybody holding a few bags. San opens the door to the backseat and pulls out a bag with a picture of what looks to be a tent on it. I really hope he knows how to put that thing together, otherwise we might be in some trouble.

“Are you and San sharing a tent?” A voice from behind me makes me jump and spin around, only to be faced with Yunho, who has a slight smile on his face.

“Yeah, I think so. Why?” I take a corner of my bottom lip in my mouth and chew on it after the words come out, without even realizing it. Yunho just smiles as a reply. I roll my eyes at him. For some reason, he has always thought San and I were more than friends, which was nowhere near the truth.

“It’s not that big of a deal. We’ll be in different sleeping bags…” I trail off as I talk, realizing that I did forget something. The most important thing to bring when camping, and it’s still in the top of my closet. My eyes widen, making Yunho stare at me with confusion.

“What?” He eventually asks.

“I forgot my sleeping bag,” I whisper to him, making a smile spread across his face. A light chuckle escapes his mouth, before his covers it with his hand and starts walking away from me.

“Yunho!” He spins back around, stupid smile still plastered across his face. The internal panic starts to take over as I realize that now I don’t have anywhere to sleep. It could get very cold out here at nighttime, and not having anything to sleep in would be a disaster.

“What do I do?” I barely squeak out. I can’t go back home and get it without ruining San’s trip and I wasn’t about to do that. I would rather sleep in the cold than take away time to relax and have fun for San.

“Don’t worry, you’ll figure it out,” Yunho speaks, still with a smile on his face, before turning and walking away to join the group. I lean my head back and fight every instinct to scream in frustration. Yunho was no help and seemed almost happy with the situation I’m in. I run through my head what I could do when I hear my name yelled, making me look up and see San motioning for me to come join them. He looks so happy to be out here, there’s no way I could let my forgetfulness ruin this for him.

I jog to catch up with the group, before we start walking down the path to the campground. The guys all immerse themselves in conversation quickly, but I can’t bring myself to join in with them. I still have to figure out how to tell San and what I am going to do about it. As the guys argue about the perfectly toasted marshmallow, I decide I won’t tell San until the last minute and I’ll just sleep in the tent with the blanket I brought. It may be a bit cold, but I’ll survive.

“No! They have to be dark, but not burnt, you fool!” Hongjoong yells to one of them, yanking me out of my thoughts. After a few more minutes of their banter, we reach the campsite, which was simply a place for a fire, a small grill, a picnic table and a lot of open space.

“We’re here,” San says softly while practically jumping like a little kid wanting a toy. I can’t help myself as I smile at him. He looks so genuinely excited to be here with all of his friends and no outside distractions. San drops his bags in a spot on the ground, the rest of the guys all partnering off to share tents. I drop my bag next to San’s.

“Are you okay?” I hear San’s voice next to me. I look at him to see his eyes, having lost their sparkle, are dark with concern.

“What?” I thought I was putting up a good act about everything.

“You’re biting your lip. You only do that when you’re upset. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he narrows his eyes, not convinced. “I’m fine. Just nervous. I’ve never camped before.”

“Are you sure?”

“I promise, Sanjook,” I use his nickname, trying to convince him that everything is fine. He doesn’t need to worry about me. A small smile takes place on his face and he nods, accepting what I was telling him.

“Please tell me you know how to build a tent,” I change the subject quickly, adding a smile to change his focus.

“I do! I even practiced before we came out here!” His voice turns defensive, but not serious. I laugh at his offended face and push on his shoulder.

“You better. Or I’ll have to share a tent with Mingi,” I chuckle and San’s eyes narrow, but he quickly regains composure and laughs along with me.

“No, you won’t,” he says while chuckling, but the laugh almost sounds forced. Our conversation is cut short by Wooyoung rushing up to us and asking if I wanted to help him set up the snacks and get the fire started while most of the guys put up tents. I smile, following him over to the picnic table where a cooler sits. The dark wood is spotted with holes, and the rough wood scrapes the skin on my hand as I run it across the surface.  
Wooyoung starts pulling drinks and small baggies out of the cooler and placing them across the table. I grab a bag of chocolate chips and start eating them as I watch him. He pulls out a bag of marshmallows, which I grab and open.

“Hey! Stop eating all of the sweets! Those are for later!” Wooyoung scolds me, making me laugh, but I pull out one last marshmallow before putting the bag back on the table. I call San’s name out, making him look up. He isn’t that far away from the table, so I toss the marshmallow at him, which he effortlessly catches and eats with a smile.

“Wow,” Wooyoung whispers, shaking his head at the same time.

“What?”

“Do you actually think his feelings are only platonic to you?” Wooyoung doesn’t even look up to me as the words come out of his mouth, but they hit me like a bus. I stare at him, appalled at what he had just said. There is no way San has any feelings for me that aren’t platonic. Before I can even respond, Yeosang runs up to us and slides onto the bench next to Wooyoung. He grabs a bag of chips and opens them.

“Did you know somebody forgot a sleeping bag,” Yeosang says between bites while looking directly at me.

“What?” Wooyoung looks to Yeosang, then follows Yeosang’s glance to me.

“How do you know that?” I question him, but have a feeling I already know the answer.

“Yunho told everybody. Well, he didn’t tell San, but he told everybody else,” Yeosang laughs softly as he talks.

“Why does everybody laugh about this? It isn’t funny!” I glare at Yeosang, who stops giggling.

“Maybe it’s an opportunity,” Wooyoung suggests. Yeosang nods with him, making me even more confused.

“I’m sure it’ll all work out, maybe even for the best,” Yeosang says softly before taking a bite out of another chip.

“Why are you guys being so devious?” I press them further. With these two acting strange, plus Yunho’s reaction, there has to be something they are thinking about and I want to know what it is.

“Remember what I said, like, five minutes ago? Maybe you should talk to him about that. Or just tell him you forgot a sleeping bag and let whatever happens happen,” Wooyoung smiles again, Yeosang murmuring in agreement.

“Not right now. I’ll talk to him about the sleeping bag later, but that’s it,” I say, trying to sound sure of myself, but I’m not. I’ve always thought San only seen me as a friend and nothing more. The prospect of him having romantic feelings for me is terrifying, but also invigorating. I’ve thought about the possibility of a relationship like that with San before, but it’s never something I have wanted to act on. If his heart isn’t on the same level as mine, it could ruin our friendship, and I honestly don’t think I could live without San. Having him as a friend, even if I long for more deep down, is still better than not having him at all.

“Listen, I’m not going to say anything to him and I won’t force anything on you, but I do think you guys should talk. I’ve known San for a long time, all of us have, and we all see how he looks at you, how he smiles at you, how he says your name,” Wooyoung continues “it’s nothing like he does with anybody else. He looks at you like he is looking at his whole world, like everything around you is just the blurs of details, but you’re in focus. When you aren’t looking, his eyes are usually on you. He watches what you do with a smile the whole time. And it’s never just any smile, it’s one where his eyes crinkle at the edges and he can’t stop. He says your name with such admiration and whenever he talks about you his eyes sparkle, like you’re his star. That’s not how he is with any of us. It’s different for you. Just something to think about.”

I take in Wooyoung’s words, not being able to bring myself to even speak. I had never noticed any difference in San’s behavior toward me. My heart fills with a sense of hope, but I try to force it down. I can’t let Wooyoung’s words taint my thoughts. While I respect Wooyoung and I trust him, I don’t want to hurt San and I’s relationship if Wooyoung happens to be wrong. Wooyoung gets back into his movement, quickly finishing setting all of the snacks out.

The sun starts to fall, slowly bringing the darkness out with it. Before long, the tents are all set up and Wooyoung has the fire roaring. The sun falls completely, making the only light we have left from the fire and the moon. With the nighttime, a chilly air falls over the campsite, making little bumps rise on my arms. I go to my bag and pull the blanket out, wrapping it around my arms, and then grab the graham crackers and chocolate. I sit down in front of the fire, waiting on everybody else to join. Wooyoung grabs the marshmallows and a few other snacks from the table before he sits down a few spaces away from me. The rest of the guys settle in, Mingi sitting down next to me. I look around, trying to find San.

“He’s with Seonghwa. They walked back to the cars to get roasting sticks for the marshmallows, which Seonghwa forgot to grab,” Mingi tells me as I look around. I nod, changing my glance to the fire. I furrow my eyebrows as I look at the fire. It reminds me of the fight I’m having in my heart. The flames are hot and strong, like my heart is, but I know that with the wrong steps I could get burned easily. It’s terrifying. Mingi reaches across me, to where he is practically in my lap, to grab a graham cracker from the box on the other side of me. _SNAP!_ I turn around quickly, seeing San and Seonghwa are back and, I’m assuming, one of them stepped on a stick and broke it. Even through the dark, I can see San’s fist clench and his eyes narrow, but I don’t know why. Mingi leans back to his spot, taking bites of the cracker.

San walks over to my other side, sitting cross-legged next to me. He doesn’t say anything and his jaw looks clenched. I rest my head on his shoulder, which he doesn’t react to. I make eye contact with Wooyoung, who smiles widely, which I roll my eyes to. Seonghwa hands out the metal roasting sticks, and everybody grabs marshmallows to cook. San pushes one on the spike of the stick, a little aggressively, and pushes it out to the fire.

“San, what’s wrong?” I whisper into his ear. He doesn’t even look at me, he just keeps his eyes on the fire. He just shakes his head as a response. I see small bumps on his arms, which were bare from the short sleeved shirt he’s wearing. Despite the fire right in front of us, the cold night air was still enough to make my nose burn. San pulls the marshmallow off the fire when it reaches a perfectly golden brown, making a sandwich with it, chocolate and the graham crackers. He offers it to me, which I shake my head to.

“I’m not taking that until you tell me what’s wrong,” I say to him. He seems upset, he hasn’t talked to me since he came back from the walk with Seonghwa.

“Not right now, okay?” His voice sounds pleading, like he is begging me not to push it right now. I nod and take the sandwich, but I unwrap the blanket from around me on one side and hold it to him. I scoot closer, so he could wrap that side of the blanket around his shoulders too. He smiles and takes the edge of the blanket, pulling it around him. I finish the sandwich and then rest my head back on his shoulder.

He moves his hand, wrapping his fingers in mine. He leans his head on top of mine and I feel him smiling against me. I feel at peace, almost, but I know that that could all change so quickly. My eyes start to drift between being open and closed, the haze of sleepiness taking over. I hear Jongho’s voice from across the fire, something about a ghost story he wants to tell. Everybody responds happily, making Jongho start to tell his story. I can’t stay focused on the story, sleepiness finally taking over as I drift away.

A shaking on my shoulder pulls me out of my sleep. The air seems even more frigid than it was and the fire seems to have been put out. The rest of the guys are all piling in their tents and as soon as I move my head from San’s shoulder, he rises and stretches his arms, yawning again. I rise with him, wrapping the blanket tightly around me and sleepily moving into the purple colored tent. He follows behind me and zips the tent closed. His sleeping bag is laying in the middle of the tent, making me curse at myself yet again for forgetting mine.

“Don’t you need to set up your sleeping bag?” San asks as I start to lie down next to it. San follows me as, in one swift movement, he unwraps his sleeping bag and gets under the cover. To keep my teeth from chattering in the cold, I have to bite my tongue.

“About that,” I start, without knowing how to tell him that I forgot the most important item for camping.

“What?”

“I may have forgotten mine, but it’s fine. I’m fine with the blanket I have,” I try to sound confident, but barely being able to stop myself from shivering doesn’t help. San reaches his arm out of the sleeping bag and touches my cheek softly. His hand feels so soft and warm, I feel like I could melt into it.

“You’re freezing,” he whispers. I shake it off and try to reassure him that I’m actually fine, but I can’t even get the words out. I hear the zipper of his sleeping bag and through the darkness in the tent I can faintly see him flip the top layer of the sleeping bag up, leaving him uncovered and facing me.

“Come here,” he commands and I shake my head, before realizing he probably can’t even see me doing it.

“No, I’m fine,” I try to reassure him.

“That wasn’t a question. Come here,” his voice sounds sterner than the usual soft tone. I start to protest again, but his arm snakes around my back and pulls me into the sleeping bag.

“San!” I yelp as he pulls me in without any warning. I don’t know how to react to this: being held against San’s chest, feeling his heart beating, his cologne filling my nose, his arms wrapped around my waist. I’ve never been this close to him, every part of him is touching every part of me.  
He shushes me and I hear the zipper close behind my back, trapping us in. He settles his arms around my waist, pulling me even closer to him, if that’s even possible. My hands are up against his chest and his chin rests on top of my head. One of his hands gingerly runs up and down my back, sending shivers up my spine.

“You’re so cold. Why didn’t you say something earlier?” He feels so warm, but I can’t tell if that’s what is actually keeping me warm or if my face burning is doing it. It’s a good thing it’s dark, or he would see that my cheeks have turned into the color of cherries.

“I didn’t want to ruin your trip,” I say softly.

“Why would that ruin it?”

“I didn’t realize until after we already got here and you were so happy here. I didn’t want to change that.”

“So, you risked freezing to death instead?”

“I wouldn’t have froze to _death_. It never gets that cold out here. I would have just been uncomfortable, I guess.” I bite my lip again. Feeling his chest rise and fall, the beating of his heart, his hands tracing my back, it all makes my head spin.

“You picked being extremely uncomfortable instead of possibly making me upset?”

“I guess so,” I start, then the rest slips out before I can stop it “but I seem to have made you upset anyway.”

He sighs, holding me even tighter. I know I shouldn’t have said it, especially right now, but he seemed so upset at the fire that I can’t get myself to just let it go. It hurts me to see him as upset as he was, and it hurts even more to know it’s my fault.

“I wasn’t upset with you. Maybe upset with the situation, but not you.”

“What does that mean? What situation?”

“Seeing Mingi across your lap, something in me felt so much anger in seeing that.”

“Why? He wasn’t doing anything.” My brain struggles to wrap around what he is saying. It doesn’t make any sense why he would be upset over something like that.

“I know, but you’re my star. Seeing it-” San starts, but stops like he said something he didn’t want to say. I try to figure out what exactly he didn’t mean to say, when I remember where I've heard that before. _He says your name with such admiration and whenever he talks about you his eyes sparkle, like you’re his star._ Wooyoung’s words rush back to me like a tidal wave. He had said that San’s feelings to me were something more than I always thought and that I was San’s star.

“San?” I question him. He had went completely silent, practically holding his breath after he spoke.

“Don’t worry about it. Just get some rest,” he says, but I have other plans. At this point, one of us has to make a move, or we’ll just be stuck like this forever. I decide to take a risk and follow Wooyoung’s advice. I take my hand and reach up to cup San’s cheek. I can feel him smile as he leans into it.

“San.”

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“San, don’t apologize. Say what you need to.”

“I don’t…I don’t know how to say it,” he talks in a rushed tone and slurs words together, something he always does when he’s nervous, which I could already tell by the beat of his heart picking up in his chest.

“Then don’t say anything. _Do_ something,” I whisper, tilting my head back to look at him. I can barely make out his face in the dark, so I can’t read him at all. I hope I’m not going to regret any of this.

San moves one of his hands and rests it under my chin, tilting my head back just a bit more. His face moves closer to mine, until our noses are practically touching. With my other hand pressed against his chest, I can feel his heart pounding just as hard as mine is. He hesitates, as if he’s calculating if what he’s about to do is actually worth the risk. He gets closer and closer, his cologne filling my nose and being hypnotic in a way that makes me feel out of control. I part my lips, before I feel the warmth of his lips against mine, washing over me. My head spins as we kiss, trying to figure out if any of this is actually real. His lips are soft and sweet, like marshmallows, and they taste of honey, so much so that it’s intoxicating. Feeling his lips against mine, it was like I had breathed air for the first time. Something so incredible, something I never knew I needed until now.

He pulls away, leaving us both gasping for air. My heart thuds in my chest and as much as I try to control it, it won’t subside. My best friend just kissed me, and I kissed him back. I had to squeeze my eyes open and shut over and over again to convince myself that this was real. San’s hand moving to wrap back around my waist tells me this is all real, which is the best thing about it. I _did_ just kiss San, and it feels like a weight has been lifted off my chest, I feel free.

“Do you get it now?” San whispers to me. I smile, even though he can’t see it.

“I get it.”


End file.
